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Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

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When I saw the 2022 Mercedes-Benz EQS450 in person, I laughed out loud, the aforementioned way I’d beam at an ugly-cute cool pug with a asinine face and a perpetually stuck-out tongue. What on apple is this? Why do you attending like that, huh? Aw, such a cutie!

The EQS450 was my aboriginal acquaintance with a Mercedes-Benz, and it was absolutely a abashing one. I had a abundant time. I was additionally confused. I admired it but had no admiration to anytime own it or be apparent active it on a circadian basis. It’s the affectionate of agent that requires you to see the absorption of adorableness through a not-so-beautiful appearance — and honestly, I adulation that for the EQS.

Full Disclosure: Mercedes provided the EQS450 to A Girls Guide to Cars during our three-day analysis drive of assorted vehicles. I got a adventitious to booty it for a abbreviate spin. All opinions are my own.

Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

The all-new EQS is Mercedes’ aboriginal accomplishment at application a belvedere alone advised for electric models, and it’s additionally the aboriginal fully-electric agent from the brand’s EQ band to accomplish it over actuality to North America.

I collection the Pinnacle trim of the Mercedes-Benz EQS450 during my analysis drive. The accepted archetypal includes the afterward features:

The archetypal I collection additionally added:

There’s additionally a abundant added able EQS580 trim if you appetite its 516 application and 611 lb-ft of torque. Its $120,000 starting amount is additionally abundant higher.

Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

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Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

The Mercedes-AMG EQS 450 is affectionate of beautiful in an animal way, like how you attending at a porpoise and think, “That is the cutest affair I’ve anytime seen.” That abundantly comes bottomward to two descriptors I can alone anticipate to call as Continued and Round.

You’ll apparently apprehend some reviewers allocution about glassy curve or affected curves that cut through the air with accomplished aerodynamic efficiency. Not me. This car is goofy-looking as hell from the outside, and I absolutely admire it for that reason. It’s not sexy. It’s not pretty. It’s not absolutely classy. It’s a balanced blob, for which I am abiding there is a market.

But that balanced blobbiness is abundant for anyone who spends their time central this car. The 126.4-inch wheelbase makes for a ample autogenous area rear-seat cartage will abound in affluence of arm and legroom. It’s additionally adequate for a beneath disciplinarian like myself, which can be a difficult accomplishment for a beyond sedan.

It’s ultra luxurious, evocative of the accepted S-Class auto in the faculty that you can ascend abaft the caster and feel appropriate at home — as continued as your home appearance beanbag pillows, ambient lighting, massaging covering seats, and a near-executive rear seat.

The strangest part, though, was aggressive in and actuality amidst by screens. I’ll allocution added about the tech below, but the Wall Of Awning was a austere adverse to what was contrarily a balmy and adequate interior. The accession of mega-screens makes the EQS feel algid and commonsensical inside. That’s accomplished if that’s the vibe you’re activity for — a lot of automakers anticipate ‘electric’ charge according ‘spartan and modern’ — but it aloof didn’t assignment for me. That’s an artful you accept to accomplish to all the way through the autogenous of the car, and that’s not what happened here.

Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

I can’t accord you abounding comparisons here. This was my aboriginal time active a Mercedes, so I can’t analyze the EQS to a combustion-engined S-Class. I additionally can’t analyze it to its Tesla or Lucid competitors in the EV world. I can alone accord you my exhaustion impressions. You may do with them what you will.

That actuality said, the drive in the Mercedes-Benz EQS450 was delicious. There’s an aberrant alloy of ability and animation that makes for a absolutely altered acquaintance abaft the wheel. If you’re canoeing on the artery or through a subdivision, you’ll feel like you’re amphibian on a abracadabra carpet. The Benz absorbs all the bumps, and its near-silent berth creates a activity of isolation. It’s aloof you, aerial about through the world.

But if you’re demography a aciculate about-face or accelerating, the EQS450 absolutely highlights area EVs shine. All that torque goes anon to the wheels, so all your burke inputs will be instantaneous. It’s a absolutely acceptable activity that reminds me of the canicule back I acclimated to go for long-distance runs, area I’d hit mile bristles and acquisition this canal area I acquainted powerful, like every footfall I took was affective me through the apple both physically and metaphorically. I acquainted grounded.

The alteration amid amphibian and clearing bottomward into the pavement isn’t jarring, either. You can feel the Benz crouch bottomward and accomplish the best of that basal annoyance accessory as you columnist the throttle. It’s an absurd experience.

Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

Because of its breadth and weight, the Mercedes-Benz EQS 450 feels a lot added like an SUV than it does a sedan. It’s not bulky to drive or park, but you can never agitate the faculty that you’re active an absolutely massive allotment of machinery. It reminded me of a added tech-heavy adaptation of my 1996 Suburban than it does a acceptable auto — but that’s apparently not a abhorrent affair for a bazaar that wants Absolutely Big Vehicles.

The electric motor provides burning torque, and you’ll get 10-degree rear-axle steering, so this car doesn’t handle like an SUV in assertive ways. You can beat into a bound amplitude at the grocery abundance no problem. You can jump from alpha instantly. But I couldn’t agitate the activity that I had a appalling yacht about me, an complete barbarian of the sea. It was heavy, admitting not absurd to maneuver. It was ample but not absurd to drive. It’s all those Ample Parts of an SUV afterwards the college hip height. It makes for a bit of a aberrant active experience.

Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

My bedmate acclimated to be a sales accessory at a Mercedes-Benz dealership in Montreal, and he’s spent the absolute continuance of our alliance cogent me that no automaker is as luxuriously high-tech as Mercedes. I accept never discounted this observation. I’ve aloof additionally never acquainted the charge to drive an acutely tech-heavy car. I still accept a adamantine time ambidextrous with a tiny infotainment screen.

So I anticipate it’s apparently a little bit of an adumbration to say that the EQS’s offerings are a bit overwhelming. Afterwards I laughed out loud at the exterior, I additionally laughed out loud at the absolutely massive Hyperscreen. I capital to ask it if it was compensating for something. I capital to ask why such a beautiful fella needs such a big screen.

Functionally, the Hyperscreen is great. A distinct allotment of arced glass, it’s a attractive accomplishment of abstruse addition that works with accelerated acceleration due to an eight-core processor and 24 gigabytes of RAM. You tap on anything, and there’s not activity to be lag. You’re anon transported to the abode you chose to go in the infotainment system.

The cartoon are additionally gorgeous, but again, it’s a little bit Much. There’s a awning for the driver, one of the passenger, and a alpine awning in the center, and in those closing two, you can admission aggregate from radio controls to agent settings to accessory maps to photo galleries to video games. I did blow about the Tetris bold and begin it took a while to amount but was contrarily fun. I still can’t brainstorm myself application an infotainment awning instead of my buzz for gaming, though.

Even worse, you still get a lot of glare, admitting the actuality that Mercedes approved its best to abstain that. There’s not absolutely annihilation you’re activity to be able to do about the absorption of the sun back it’s abnormally bright.

You can additionally cross with communicative commands afterwards saying, “Hey Mercedes.” As in, you can say article like, “Hey Mercedes, I appetite coffee,” and your car will acquisition you the abutting coffee spots. I acclimated to abhorrence articulation commands because it was abutting to absurd to absolutely get what you were allurement for, but this avant-garde abundance that you see on affluence cars has absolutely afflicted the game. I don’t accept to anticipate up the automatic command I’d charge to change the radio station. I can aloof say it.

The agenda dashboard was additionally one hell of a feature. You can aeon through bags of altered displays, best of which are aloof apperception boggling. You can actually accept your aeronautics map displayed on your dashboard — and I don’t beggarly you get a little box that has navigation. The accomplished awning turns into a map. I’m abiding some association will adore it, but it was massively cutting for me.

As was the aggrandized absoluteness navigation, which feels a little bit added video game-y than annihilation else. Maybe I’m aloof too old to acknowledge these things.

Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

It’s difficult to action a adjudication for a car that I can’t analyze to the added cartage in its class, I can say that the 2022 Mercedes-Benz EQS450 is a adorable agent that transforms abundant of what makes Mercedes appropriate into a flagship affluence auto — but it does feel like the German automaker couldn’t adjudge what it capital to do. It approved to amalgamate avant-garde acerbity with Benz’s acceptable elegance, and it works… but it’s apparently not activity to assignment for everyone. It didn’t assignment for me, but it could actual able-bodied assignment for you. And you apperceive what? I account a alluringly polarizing car.

Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

Photo: Elizabeth Blackstock

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